i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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