Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
