Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
