Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
