party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
