im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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