Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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