Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
