at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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