We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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