Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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