you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
