Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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