We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
