Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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