Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
