I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
