My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize