I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
