Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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