Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
