I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Drunk is a universal language darling
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
