Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
