Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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