If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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