Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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