where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
