dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
