Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
