I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
