3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i barfeds in our rink
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
