It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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