omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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