I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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