how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
