So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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