Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
