I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
