Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
