All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
