why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
