I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
