Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
