i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
