Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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