you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
