Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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