dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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