Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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