All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
