Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
