He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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