you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
