you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize