I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
