someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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