I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
