you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
His nipple licking is glorious
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