Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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