halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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