how hairy? two words: wookie tits
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize