Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
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