only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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