i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize